THOUGHTS CRASHING

New Site

2005-07-07T10:40:00.000-04:00

WWW.THOUGHTSCRASHING.COM

Well that's the new place I'm at. It will be my permanent home (for now). You don't have to check this site any longer all my crashing thoughts will be there from now on.

Thx Blogspot for the good year!

C U over there.

d4l3

Please Stand By

2005-07-07T10:07:00.000-04:00

Making some changes and so I've disabled comments until I complete them.

Back to normal soon!

Dale

Day of Independence

2005-07-03T01:04:00.000-04:00

"There are moments which can change a person for all time. And I suddenly wondered if I would ever see my snug hobbit-hole again. I wondered if I actually wanted to."

I appreciate America. I appreciate the freedom to practice my religion and hold the beliefs I hold. I deeply appreciate the hundreds of thousands of lives sacrificed for the furtherance of this country since it's inception.

But I am much more a Christian than I am an American. Give me a choice between freedom of speech and freedom of soul I am going for soul every day of the week. So when we talk about Independence Day the one we celebrate to indicate American independence is woefully pale in comparison to my real independence day. Like JRR Tolkien's quote from above....there are independence days that change a person so deeply that they can never go back to the way they were.

I had two instances recently where in conversations I was referring to the way I used to be. One conversation was with my wife and one was with a friend. As I recounted the beliefs I formerly held it was so stark and clear an image in my head. I saw clearly from the vantage point of hindsight that I used to be deeply and truly in a prison. A prison I wore as a badge. A prison I was proud of. A prison that defined who I was.

But there came a moment. A moment full of promise. A promise of change. I felt it happen. Back then I related it to a plummet off of a cliff and now, in hindsight, that imagery was completely appropriate. There was no going back. I knew it then but I know it in a different way now.

In those recent conversations as I perused who I was in retrospect I felt disdain. One of the questions I asked Jen was "Was I ever like that?" And without batting an eye or pulling a punch she said "Yes." without a moment's hesitation. I felt real self disdain then. Not because of the person I was. But because I can't fathom my blindness. How could I have not seen the things I see so clearly now?

So it isn't a question of an inability to go back. I don't want to go back. I remember my hobbit-hole with disgust and can't, for the life of me, remember why I thought it was such a comfortable place to live. I do know that it would take more than an army to drag me back in there. I've tasted real freedom, real independence. The kind granted from the hand of God himself and there aren't any courts or armies or prisons or chains in existence that can trump that.

Blood has been shed to purchase and secure my independence day. And the one who died still lives to defend it.

So, while I will celebrate the American independence day, it really is only a shadow of the cracking, shattering, and violent moment in time when my real indpendence was purchased. And I don't wonder anymore - I KNOW I won't be going back there.

The Genius of Jen

2005-06-28T00:56:00.000-04:00

There are many reasons why I fell in love with Jen about 20 years ago. I could fill a blog with the stories. But yesterday one really stood out.

Our church got together with several others and we had a large gathering of church groups at a local park. The park always remains open to the public that day and gives us a great opportunity to get into our community. There were many people there that may never attend church but yesterday heard us singing, talking, and laughing together.

Jen had an incredible experience. She was in the public bathroom and a 12 year old girl came to her and asked "Are you with that group of people?"
Jen replied "Yes."
The girl questioned "Are you a church?"
When Jen said "Yes." again the girl opened up.

"A few years ago I went to a church and they talked about being in a relationship with God but I never did it. Do you know how to do that?"

Jen responded "Yes I do."
The girl asked "Can we do it now? Here?"
Jen had the great honor of introducing this girl, whom she'd just met, to her God.
Incredible.

What really impresses me is the quality about my wife that makes her so approachable. I've seen it many times before. People that don't relate well to many people for some reason find Jen to be a harbor that can be trusted. Obviously this opens doors of incredible opportunity for her. I've seen it many times before but maybe never so striking as yesterday. I really admire that in her.

I've often said that to take hold of opportunity it requires risk, a sense of exploration, creativity....or you could just be approachable like Jen and they just line up for you.

Seven Times Hotter

2005-06-27T00:01:00.000-04:00

I realized something about myself tonight (and maybe others too, but I can't speak for them). I realized that what gets me going, I mean, what gets me really fired up is conversation with people on mission.

As a pastor I love so many parts of my job. The opportunities to do good for the world I'm in are all over the place but I think that what gets me revved up the most is talking with other people about doing things for God.

Tonight after Prodigy we had some great discussion over a meal. As much as I enjoyed Prodigy the coup de grace of the night was definitely the discussions over that little meal in a little restaraunt in a little town in a little state about how we plan on turning the world upside down.

So, here's to conversations with teeth....the divine kind that leave an indellible impression when u are bit by them.

passion imosaic

Mad Cow

2005-06-22T18:06:00.000-04:00

Well some of you have expressed questions regarding the change of my profile pic to the left there. And I imagine some of you have simply ignored it in hopes that it would just go away. But whatever camp you are in the explanation is as follows.

About 8 months ago I wrote a poem. Most the time when I write poetry it is because I have ideas in my head which I can see being expressed more creatively than simply writing in prose. When that happens I usually let those thoughts simmer for only a very short time before I put pen to paper and allow them to take shape on a page.

When I wrote the following poem I had been thinking about it for about 2 weeks and finally decided that it was time to exorcise those thoughts in writing. This is what came out.

Mad Cow

An ocean of us
or maybe a lake
or a pond
but a collection just the same

Gathered, collected
bound in a knot
there is safety in our numbers

But only safe
if you were not
the last one to be
the victim.

Herds play the numbers.
“Here’s hoping,” say my dice,
“Give me old age before the wolves.”

A herd is a measure
How much time is left?
How many in the herd?
What’s my number?

Your time may be sluggish
but it is coming.
Then can we talk about safety in numbers?

Deep in my bovine heart
I know I’m not a cow
or a steer
as my livestock rebellion grows.

When I joined the herd
I was thrilled to be
what I now despise.

The enemy wolves circling
with focus
and intention to kill
have become my prototype.

They don’t know what milling is
and pursuit to the death
is their grazing.

My contentment to be
one of the numbers,
prey in waiting
has run out.

Like a waterhole run dry
or a meadow under-watered, overgrazed
or a herd hunted to extinction.

And so I’ll leave the herd
even though
the herd hasn’t taught me
to venture forth.

And with the time I have left
I’ll go to the wolves
the way they’ve come to me.

More predator than prey
with intention
with passion
forcefully advancing.

No longer the targeted,
but the “targetter”
discontent with the “unfound lost”.

With all my bovine courage
I will hunt
the wolves
in defiance of the natural order.

And when my time comes,
which I’m sure it will,
it will be as the hunter, not the hunted.

To see the headlines,
“The cow was killed
by the wolf
in self-defense.”

And so I’ll leave the herd
but not on my own
because this mad-cow disease is infectious.

If you see us someday
you’ll know it is we
by the look in our eyes
and our wolf-like purpose.

Or maybe you’ll discover
the weathered remains
of a small group of cows
far from the herd.

But those remains will tell
no more story
than their wolf tooth necklaces offer.

After having written this I had the desire to have to have an image go with the feelings I had expressed. I had seen the artwork of Angela Melick and contacted her with some ideas and a copy of my poem. I was so impressed with her initial results. From my description alone she had depicted the image in my head. I am always so impacted by people's artistic creativity. I see it as such a clear picture of God's creativity. (So thank you Angela for impacting me with your artwork.) I found Angela so easy to work with even in understanding what I was trying to say in my un-artistic way. I'm sure you would find working with her as pleasant if you are interested in similar artwork.

I am fully aware that my poetry may raise more questions than answers but questions are only the beginning of communication if they are asked. So if you have questions about what I've written I am more than happy to discuss it.

Below is Angela Melick's depiction of Mad Cow (thank you, Angela!)

Poetry
Religion

Elastic Amnesia

2005-06-19T16:34:00.000-04:00

Galatians 1:6,7 You are already following a different way that pretends to be the Good News but is not the Good News at all. You are being fooled by those who twist and change the truth concerning Christ.

I guess after this question the Galatians kinda knew where Paul was going and he obviously wasn't happy about it. So much for saving your point to the end of the letter Paul. No, Paul wanted this out front and out in the open. A fact, I'm sure, the Galatians weren't excited about.

And for us, how easy it if for us to sit back and point and giggle at the Galatians like they were our younger brother being scolded by the parents once again.

We giggle, that is, until Paul turns to us with an accusing finger and shouts, "And you!..."

The sad thing is we are guilty of this in the same measure as the Galatians were. So we can giggle all we want but we are victims of the same elastic amnesia. Yes, we forget and then we twist.

The Galatians had been instructed in the truth of the Gospel. That faith in Jesus was all they needed but some among them had started to teach that wasn't enough and that a combination of faith in Jesus and keeping the law was required to be sure you were safe.

But we do the same thing today. We replace the truth of Christianity, the freedom the gospel brings with a list of "Do Nots". Paul scoffed at that when the Galatians heard it and I'm sure he'd scoff at it now.

(Gal 5:13,16) For you have been called to live in freedom--not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." So I advise you to live according to your new life in the Holy Spirit. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.

Let me summarize with some key beliefs of Paul's--

Faith in Christ brings real freedom.
Real freedom is never spent on yourself.
Real freedom always serves others.
A "do not" gospel is a twisted, selfish version of Jesus' gospel that brings bondage.
The best way to be in harmony with the law is to live in service to others.
The true gospel brings new life smothering the desire of the sinful nature.

The sad thing is, 2000 years later, we still think we can add to the gospel and improve upon it. "Faith in Jesus is great but faith in Jesus and (fill in the blank) is even better." We forget and we twist. And we bring bondage.

How about refusing to add conditions to the Gospel? How about trusting that God's plan (to smother and stifle the sinful nature with the new creation's desire to serve others) will actually work?

Let's remember. Remember that every time we try to add improvements to the gospel we actually take chains and begin to bind. Every time we add extra steps or extra lists or extra "do nots" we add weight to their bindings. The end result is a person who is not free but a slave to self.

Jesus offers true freedom....we have a front row seat...let's not get in the way!

Religion

Where in the World are You From?

2005-06-15T16:06:00.000-04:00

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Nowhere.

That's what Paul said.

Galatians 1:1 Paul, an apostle sent not from men nor by man, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised him from the dead...

What drives us? What puts on mission? Why do we do the things we do that we feel are expressions of our faith? Who's expectations are we meeting?

Some interesting questions that most likely can't be answered w/o some serious contemplation and soul searching. Here.

But it has always been my impression that someday we will answer that question in an instant. Someday we will know as we are known and we will no longer believe any of the lies we tell ourselves.

But that is then and this is now. I want to honestly answer those questions now. And any time the answer is not from and by Jesus Christ I want to change. When all the pressure from the church, my friends, my family fades away what do I do. Does my motivation die away?

I think I know what Paul would do. He couldn't stop. He didn't need money. He didn't need safety. He didn't need security. He didn't need peer approval. He didn't need health. He didn't need his head in the end. Because he wasn't from and by any of those things. He was from and by Jesus Christ.

Important note: Just in case you are lost with the post just below here's a little explanation. This is what happens when good friends (several in CA but other locations as well) areseparatedd by an entire country. They have to play somewhere! I assure you it is all in good fun and they are all good friends. Just don't ask Octavio about that :) Love ya man....and I mean that!

Completely Unrelated to Anything

2005-06-15T15:38:00.000-04:00

Was rummaging around my digital camera the other day and this fell out. Having trouble figuring out who this shadowy figure is. Maybe there are some distinguishing features that would help identify them? If anyone nose....er..knows just let me know.

If you are wondering what this is all about look here.

Pile of Fuzz

2005-06-12T13:43:00.000-04:00

My daugther, Audrey, just ran into the living room, jumped up on the couch with me and said "I made a big pile of fuzz."

I said "What? From where?"

Aurdrey replied "From the fan."

I asked "Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders and said "I like it."

Humility. Sometimes we forget what it looks like.

d4l3

Blogging Reclaimed

2005-06-10T16:16:00.000-04:00

Been involved in a 2 day conversation about blogging and the church. By church I don't mean the local structure you just thought of but the group of people passionately following Jesus.

The conversation consists of people from all over the world, from the USA to Scotland to China. We are wondering if blogging and the internet isn't the next tool God's followers can use to forcefully advance the kingdom of heaven. Instead of just being a repository of deep thoughts or list of current events we think blogs can be vehicles to spread the good news creating communities of faith all over the world.

Some of the links to the left are some of the people that are in the conversation and helping to move it forward. The church just can't sit back and let tools to advance God's kingdom slip through our fingers. The time is just too short.

What can you do? Start a blog. It's just one more way for you to go into all the world!

If you doubt it's effectiveness check this out. Unrest in China.

Here are some incredible quotes from it.

Photographs of the apparent aftermath -- showing wrecked vehicles and dented police helmets -- have since appeared on several Weblogs.
One reason they are heard about at all is the growing profusion of other information outlets -- most notably the Internet and the rise of blogging -- that enable these stories to slip through the fingers of the Chinese censors.

Imagine the impact of these statements. Right now you have the ability to relate to people whom you have no legitimate chance of ever meeting face to face. The only thing stopping us is us.

d4l3

Blog

Amazing Growth and Opportunity

2005-06-09T09:54:00.000-04:00

Was reading a blog I have been frequenting in the last several weeks, Brent Pittman, and he linked to a very telling article regarding the population growth in the US. The population growth in the last year in the US was 50% Hispanic. And that is even though only one out of seven people in the population are Hispanic.

Just further reinforces my drive to get Spanish under my belt. I just wish I could do it faster :/

d4l3

Interesting Article on Blogging

2005-06-08T10:45:00.000-04:00

Wired 10.05: Long Bets

Wow. Those are some pretty heady numbers. "Weblogs will outrank the New York Times Web site by 2007" That is a very bold claim. I don't think the writing on the wall has to be anymore bolder than that does it?

Well for the record, since this is a bet, I am falling on the side of the blogs. Of course, without the $1000 penalty if I am wrong. 8)

Imagine if God could show us opportunities to advance His kingdom in headline form....oh wait...He just did!

d4l3

Blog
Religion

Background Noise

2005-06-08T00:00:00.000-04:00

Just sitting with my wife watching some episodes from the 2nd season of 24 with Kiefer Sutherland. It is a very good series and I'm sorry I missed them when they were running live. But Jen and I are doing our best to catch up so we are ready when the next season starts to be on the 24 bandwagon.

I would give a caution - they are very addictive.
Very.
Addictive.

"How addictive?", I hear you asking. Well, so addictive that I won't tell you what we are averaging for "number of 24 episodes watched per day". Just trust me. Good but addictive.

But anyway tonight in one of the episodes when talking within the context of the fleeting nature of life one of the characters had a comment that brought me to introspection immediately.

He said "Find something that makes you really happy and do it. All the other stuff is just background noise."

Background noise. His comments were to warn against that wasting of one's life energies on things that didn't matter.

You know what those things are. Those are the things that at the point when you know that death is close and inevitable you don't waste a second thinking about even if you wasted years of your life on them. The peripheral stuff. The stuff that doesn't matter. The stuff that doesn't affect the world. The pastimes.

But in a context of following Jesus the discussion of time and its wasting takes on a whole new meaning. Didn't he give the same speech that this character from a tv show gave but only with much more weight to His arguments. "Be very careful, then, how you live not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." (Eph 5:15,16) "As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work." (John 9:4)

So I'm asking God for spiritual deafness to the background noise. But I also don't believe the kingdom of God comes to us on a silver platter just because we want it. I believe that it advances violently and violent men take hold of it. So I'm also praying for the strength to cover my own ears and the strength to ignore the background noises I do hear.

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:13,14)

Thanks Paul. You always say it so much better than me. But that's just what I was thinking.

d4l3

Creation Boring?

2005-06-04T12:13:00.000-04:00

Well it is definitely official -- spring is here. Fight it as I might the summer is coming.

But personal preferences aside, as I was driving down the highway this morning it hit me how absolutely incredible and miraculous spring is. Over the winter months (in the Northeast at least) everything dies or goes into a state of dormancy but come spring there is an absolute explosion of life.

From nothing.

I mean, nothing was there and now it is incredibly green and vibrant. It really is incredible!

You might be saying "Yah, Dale, that's spring." But for some reason today it hit me. We find creation commonplace. The northeast is famous for its fall colors but that is the beginning of the death process. What an amazing thing spring is. To be first hand witnesses of creation. But for some reason we get lulled into the normalcy of it and find it a bit boring.

Look around you. Take your eyes off of the death process. Look for those signs of new life. I know they are there. Incredible aren't they. Remind yourself of this.

d4l3

We Shall Be Known

2005-05-27T21:40:00.000-04:00

Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.

Someday we will face the mirror. Someday we will know ourselves the way God knows us now. How does that make me feel? I know my initial reaction to that but let me ask you.

How does that make you feel? If you could see yourself in a mirror with a perfect, honest view of yourself what would you see?

If you began to answer that with the dark ugly things that we all do our best to hide throughout our lives, with the shortcomings and shortfalls we've lived with, then let me comment. Because I'm sure God sees much more than that.

What if we thought of God looking at us as an incredible bundle of potential. Like God said to Moses in the movie The Prince of Egypt, "Through you I will work wonders!". Why wait to see all that God has in mind for us? Why wait to experience the power of God flowing through us to alleviate pain and bring freedom in the world around us?

What if, instead of shying away from the mirror because of our limitations, we ran to the mirror in order to peek at the glory and greatness that God offers to bring out of our lives if we let Him?

I'll race you to it!!

d4l3

For a headstart check this out.... StrenghtsQuest
...but I already beat you to it :)

Religion

Dinner Pix

2005-05-25T17:14:00.000-04:00

Dinner at home with the family. picture taken with my phone and mailed directly to my blog. So, yeah, I'm playing.

Unbelievable...but I guess not.

2005-05-24T18:38:00.000-04:00

Church actively supporting the 'flushing' of the Quran.

Wow. And that's in the worst sense of the word "wow".

"Well somebody's mad, somebody's offended, so we must be doing something right" -- Rev. Creighton Lovelace
Yes, that is an actual quote.

My temptation is to discuss him, but that is so easy. I can readily see anti-christ sentiments in others but am I so honest w/ myself? Would I be so ready to crucify attitudes like this in myself as they are pointed out to me? Probably not.

I wonder how much of this sentiment exists hidden away in me and protected jealously. God, take it out.

d4l3

Religion

Incommensurate thoughts on Prayer

2005-05-24T13:04:00.000-04:00

Don't have an answer for this one yet so you are getting a peek into the swirlings of my mind in the last few days.

I was in a conversation with some people about prayer, not directly but prayer came up. During the discussion (which was pretty light, not hoping to discover the mysteries of theology) several characteristics of good/effective prayer were referenced and implied. As I began to think of these characteristics something didn't sit well with me.

Did you ever have that feeling that something just wasn't right? I wasn't able to identify it but I felt it. But then, the problem at least, coalesced for me. The attributes of effective prayer that were mentioned were those of sincerity/fervor and repetition/consistency. And just to clear up any misconceptions the repetition that was mentioned was to be understood as repetition in the form of asking repeatedly not repeating a certain prayer over and over but expressing a desire/wish to God over and over.

Now I know that these are things that are mentioned in scripture.

"Pray w/o ceasing...." 1 Thes 5:17
"Knock and the door will be opened.." Matt 7:7
The parable of the friend asking for bread. Luke 11:5-11
The story of the woman petitioning the judge. Luke 18:1-6

But what was striking a dissonant chord with me was the fact that we believe that what is admirable in God in answering a prayer that is fervent and often repeated (exhibiting its intensity and sincerity) we would consider base and uncaring in an earthly father.

Can you imagine counselling a father that he should wait until a child has requested something to the point of desperation on the child's part before he responds? Or wait until they've hounded you to the point where you (the father) can't take it anymore?

Why is what is true for God not true for us as fathers/mothers/guardians?

I think of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. Who were the ones who were desperate? Who were the ones forced to ask repeatedly? Who were the ones who felt that no answer would be given to their prayers unless they could display unequivocally that they were really serious?

And who was the one who gave one simple prayer to his God and Father? Who was the one who made a point to not make a display of desperation?

And who did the heavens open for?

These are the things I'm thinking. I feel a need to have my God, in my mind, be at least as good as a good earthly father. No I take that back, he's got to be better. I can't believe anything less.

I think what has led to this seeming contradiction is some modern interpretations of the scriptures with a healthy dose of works doctrine mixed in painting for us a picture of a God who just can't be bothered unless we really bother him a lot. I think more highly of God than that.

Are you a noun or a verb?

2005-05-18T11:37:00.000-04:00

Someone said to me today "Just Google it." It hit me then that Google used to be a noun but it has changed to a verb. What did it take to change its designation like this? When did Google stop being something that was and become something we do?

But of course it didn't end there. Why is the word "church" treated as a noun when we all know it is much better suited as a verb? Why is church where we go and not something we do? Why do we struggle with the idea of church if it doesn't happen in a particular building? I know it is awkward (but only because we aren't in the habit of using it like a verb) but why can't we say when there is a need "Don't worry friend, we'll church it for you." I'm sure the first time Google was used as a verb it felt as clumsy on the tongue as that. In fact, the above statement almost sounds like a threat and that is to our discredit. We've lost the meaning of the word.

How do we reclaim it? By making church something we do and not something we attend.

"Go into all the world...."
"Pure religion is this...."
"In as much as you've done it to the least of these...."

Hm....he forgot to mention the building!!???!

d4l3

The Kidz

2005-05-17T11:04:00.000-04:00

As you can see I'm making a more solid commitment to posting picz. And of course I'm not trying to compete w/ Alex and Octavio! What a silly idea!

But anyhow these are the kids....from left to right in chronological order... Dale, Emily, Gwyneth, Audrey. They are what keeps me moving.

Images from Origins

2005-05-17T11:00:00.000-04:00

There is something to be said for having the tone set w/ images like these and a scratching dj working his turntables. Definitely pretty cool!

The Revolution Draws Nigh

2005-05-17T10:52:00.000-04:00

Driving down Hollywood Blvd the night b4 I left LA and passed this sign. It's prophetic implications couldn't be ignored.

Talk about a 'sign' from God!

Back Home

2005-05-16T22:23:00.000-04:00

Well back home and settling in to the Northeast again. What an amazing time in LA @ the Origins conference. The pinnacle was definitely meeting the people I was able to share with. What an awesome time!

Jen (my wife) and I had a nice long conversation today. Sort of an inventory of where we are together. It had its ups and downs but the ending was definitely up and so I am encouraged. I am so thankful for all God has blessed me with!

Not much burning on my mind today but me let share this. I noticed on the flight home that I never mark poetry. I am a marker, generally, when I read. Pick up a book I've read and on the pages you will see my thoughts scribbled as I go, kind of a bread crumb trail to follow. But not with poetry. I realized it, even though it has been my habit for years now that I look back. Why? As I pondered I came up with this. I think it would place undue emphasis on portions of the poet's work and destroy it for my future reading, maybe never allowing myself fresh insight.

There ya go... a little bit of useless Dale trivia 8)

Change Quotient

2005-05-10T01:13:00.000-04:00

Well I'm @ Origins in LA. Change is on the menu w/ a side of insight. Btw that's change to me which is the worst/best kind!

First half day under my belt and it is happening. I feel change. "The world is changing, I can feel it in the air, I can feel it in the water." The combination of souls is more than the sum of its parts. Some mystical alchemy is at work here. Not the age-old effort of lead to gold but the timeless miracle of stone to flesh.

An enchanting mix of instigation, competition, conflagration, combustion, and cooperation. Obviously, I can't pin it down but I'm seeing things that can't be unseen, hearing things that can't be unheard and becoming things that I can't deny.

But those are only my initial thoughts...on to the details. Today (this is Sunday's records) we began International Mentoring Network on the ground. It had been ongoing online but this is the first in person. I attended 2 Mosaic gatherings (1 in Pasadena and 1 @ the Mayan, a nightclub in LA). Had a great lunch @ Octavio's restaurant of choice (Cafe Santorini in Pasadena) and it was well selected (check out Octavio in the link to the left). Had curry for the 2nd time this month. Strongly reminding me of the time I spent in India. But the conversation was better. And that conversation was the thread connecting the entire day. Faces and people I didn't recognize but a spirit and thought and motion I did. Resonance in action. People from around the world being gathered together by the hand of God. "Here, you guys play together for awhile!", he says, knowing full well that he just put spark to dynamite. I can hear him laugh as the detonation begins. Who knows where they'll find the remains?

Should be fun!

d4l3

Good View!

2005-05-02T17:36:00.000-04:00

I was commenting on a friend's blog in the recent past and the discussion led to views. As I was thinking about it a thought occurred to me. The best view is the most dangerous.

Have you ever seen those photographs or video clips that make you wonder "Did the photographer live?" One of the most memorable clips I've seen is of a tiger charging a camera man. It was pretty impressive. A 400-ish lb animal, incredibly strong, incredibly fast, incredibly agile, and incredibly good at killing charging the camera. He charged so fast and hard that he filled the entire camera shot w/ yellow and black stripes and claws and teeth and snarl. An incredible image I'll never forget.

But I'm sure that the photographer's memory of it is much more vivid than mine. I would be surprised if a week goes that he doesn't think about it and remember. Remember how close he came. How frail he felt. How vulnerable he was. And what an awesome vision he'd seen. Not many people that have that view can tell of it. Btw, he did survive but usually the pricetag for that view is death. Pretty steep price. This guy came out w/0 a scratch. It seems the tiger suddenly got "not hungry" and called off the hunt.

But to my point. You don't get that type of view w/o that type of risk. There are times when it ends horribly but there are also times when it ends gifting the viewer w/ the most awesome images and memories. The stories he can tell.

How's your view? How safe? How glorious?

d4l3

Found Out or Is My Slip Showing?

2005-04-27T10:37:00.000-04:00

Just came from an interesting conversation. I was talking with the local librarian at the university that is situated near my church. We were looking into using a space they have as a possible meeting place. She asked what it was we would be using it for. I said "It will be a group that gets together to experience new things (tastes, smells, sounds, etc.) and then have a discussion group that centers around those experiences."

Now, I thought that was a pretty non-threatening (and by that I mean non-churchy) description. But either that wasn't or I wasn't because as we began talking about schedules she said this. "We generally have Sunday nights open but you are probably busy with others things at that time." It seemed to me an obvious reference to church. Somehow she had perceived that I had the smell of church about me. How? I'm not sure but it bothered me. In our society it seems that we go to many pains to separate secular from sacred. I felt like in me she saw something she defined as sacred.

Now this doesn't always have to be a bad thing. If, in me, someone sees life, hope, love, peace then I'm happy. But honestly, I don't think that is always labeled as sacred when it is recognized. In other words, when you give of yourself to help someone they don't automatically assume you are busy on Sunday evenings. But if in you they recognize "churchiness" or "christianeze" then the automatic assumption is that.

I don't want to be recognized for my association with church culture. I want to be recognized because of my close association with God. I want to start talking like him, thinking like him, serving like him.

Thinking Big

2005-04-20T16:55:00.000-04:00

I was sitting @ the ocean today. Just looking really. The beach is someplace I visit regularly...my habit now is about once every 4 years or so. But the infrequency of my visits preserve for me some freshness in the way it impacts me when I do view it.

But as I was saying I was sitting and looking. It is pretty big. If you've never seen it take my word for it. It's big. I was trying to fit it into understandable/digestable/"my-mind-sized" pieces so I could better understand what I was seeing. I tried to imagine how many bathtubs full of water it would take to cover just the surface of the ocean I could see from where I sat. (Not even considering depth, I'm not ready to 3d w/ these thoughts just yet. My mind is only so big.) I imagined the amount of water it would take to fill the baths. I imagined the trucks streaming in w/ bathtubs upon bathtubs. I imagined the workers who would have to spread the tubs out side by side and end to end in almost endless rows and columns. I imagined the work of filling the tubs. Even if the water source were close and through a hose, just dragging the hose around to each of the thousands of tubs would be quite laborious and time consuming. Or maybe we could use those trucks that fill pools? How many hundreds upon hundreds of truckloads would it take?

I felt a little tired for those imaginary workers because, though do-able, the task before them was certainly prodigous. And again I was just scratching the mental surface. Oh and the portion of ocean that I could get into my eyeshot is a tiny portion of the oceans that exist in this world. So whatever scenario I was imagining I'm sure would have to be multiplied by well over 1000 before you began understanding the real task at hand.

But all the thoughts led me to one. God is bigger than I think....or can't think.

And my next thought was I am so incredibly, incredibly small.

d4l3

Adventurous (revisited)

2005-03-30T13:43:00.000-05:00

Well spring is here. @ least here in Rhode Island it is. Today is the first day I've felt comfortable sitting outside w/ no jacket on. A sure sign of spring is that the kids are outside again, running and playing @ breakneck speed.

Today as I watched 2 of my children play I was forcibly reminded of a post I had made a while back (read post here) about the adventurous spirit of one of my daughters. Today the epilogue is written.

As I was sitting there doing my level best to wax creative w/ the spring feeling as my inspiration my 2 youngest kids (Audrey who is 4 and Gwyneth who is 7) played on the playground equipment. As I heard their laughter in the background it struck me that it was just too much laughter to be safe. Having Audrey as a daughter has taught me to be suspicious of too much fun because it can be dangerous.

As I looked up from my pad and pen towards the slide they were playing on I was just able to see the two of them come down the slide @ the same time. Yes they came down together and not side by side but stacked. Head first, on their belly, 7 year old riding the 4 year old like a human luge. If u remember, that was the exact issue that brought up the first "Adventurous" post. So, being a good father (or an accomplished killjoy, depends on perspective) I said, "Hey, didn't Audrey get hurt the last time you guys did that?"

With all the 7 year old innocence she could muster (which is a prodigous amount btw) Gwyneth said to me "No, last time Audrey was on top."

I did have to admit 2 things right away. One, she was right. And two, I was wrong.

I did get to thinking though. If the conclusions I came to in the first "Adventurous" post were true then what did this mean? If Audrey's actions and reckless abandon to play hard could inspire me to live for God this way then what of today's events?

The thoughts that came to me were scary for a father but exhilirating for a God-chaser. As parents my wife Jen and I agree that if Audrey were our first child she also might have been our last. Not that she isn't a complete joy but that she is so challenging. After all, living hard like Audrey does, stretches the limits of comfort and safety and confronted with the possibility of 2 of her we might've felt unequal to the task. But as it played out, our first 3 were very much "on board" with our rules of behavior and safety. We were surprised w/ Audrey's personality assuming (unwisely) that she would be like our son and 2 other daughters. What scared me as a father today was the realization that safe and placid Gwyneth was acting more like Audrey. In a nutshell, Audrey's adventurous ways were infectious!

As a God-chaser, this is exhilirating. Have you ever seen someone who's adventurous mindset, charisma, carriage, personality, lifestyle inspired you? Did you ever wish you could catch that? Did you ever wish you could come down with their symptoms? My daughters today gave me hope that I may catch it too. Maybe it is infectious! I sure hope so!

Here's to being airborne and leading with both knees!

d4l3

May I sever you? Er.....serve you.

2005-03-14T09:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at our church some of the younger girls got together with some adult supervision to host a pasta dinner for the congregation. I wasn't able to attend but from what I heard it was a success and done very well.

The best story was of one girl in particular. The girls had all made customized aprons to identify themselves as servers. One of the girls (11 years old) had written on her apron "May I sever you?" The word sever was struck thru w/ a single line and under it was written serve.

I thought this was an incredibly funny story and in its irony I'm sure there is some saddening truth or some deeper meaning. However, right now I'm not ready to apply it to real life in all its nuances but maybe one comment will suffice.

James 1:27 says "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."

In the church's eyes, how much knife work is needed before the widows and orphans are fit to be helped?

May I sever you?

d4l3

Walk with Me

2005-02-28T13:27:00.000-05:00

Hey if you have time take a walk with me through this thought process.

I love to help people. I love to be in a position to be able to alleviate some difficulty from the lives of others. I enjoy the opportunity to make the world I'm in a better place.

In essence, my model for this is God. I guess you could say I want to be like him. I want to impact others the same way God does. I know those are heady dreams but I have them.

But I want to do all of this without cost, without discomfort, and without pain. Can it be done? Can I be like God to my surroundings if pain is removed from the equation?

And at this point in the walk we've arrived at the problem of pain. Would Christ's sacrifice have meant anything if pain was removed? If God's efforts or actions on our behalf cost him nothing would that affect their value? Do the inclusion of cost, discomfort, and pain dramatically increase the value of God's actions? Do they, in fact, define the value of his actions?

If the answer is "Yes, the cost that God paid to extend himself to us was necessary to make his actions in our favor so incredibly valuable." then that puts us in a pickle.

To be like God, to be valuable to our surroundings in the highest form, pain has to be in the mix. If we aren't required to pay a price as we serve our fellow man than our actions lose value in a dramatic fashion.

So... maybe pain exists because it gives us the opportunity to be like God, to bravely face the current of cost and the pressure of pain in order to sacrificially serve humanity just like God.

Maybe without pain in our lives we can never be like God.

Just thinking.

d4l3

Am I going to die too?

2005-02-18T11:12:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I was watching a program with a friend that covered many of the first-order questions of life like "Who am I?", "Why am I here?", "What about death?".

These questions got me thinking. If you read many of my other posts you've probably figured out that I believe there is a God and I do admit that wrapped up in that belief is a belief in the after-life. A belief that my physical death is not the end of me, that something, somehow goes on in some way. (Sorry, that's all the details you're getting.)

But I've been trying to see it another way. Someone said to me once, "You haven't really listened to someone unless you hear their story with them as the protagonist." Meaning, if you listen to someone and get to a place where you can understand the responses to their life (revealed in their beliefs and actions) and can understand why they've chosen to live the way they live given what they believe than you've begun the process of understanding them. And that's what I've been trying to do with some of these questions.

But I have to admit, with one in particular, I am struggling. The lack of belief in any form of afterlife. I can't seem to get my mind around the reasoning behind it.

Obviously, to answer the question I ask in the title of this post, "Yes, you are going to die. Just like everyone before you has died and everyone alive now eventually will and everyone yet to be born." I know that's not great news but it is the truth.

What I can't justify is this. Knowing that you will die like everyone else, what's the upside to life? There are no Vegas bookies that will support your bet that you will make it out alive. You won't. If there is not afterlife you have to believe that everyone loses. All of us.

I don't care how much joy and happiness you experience in the meantime because that will come to an end. Possibly with much weakness, pain, and suffering. But no matter how it comes it will come. No matter how many times you are called a "winner" in the end you will be anything but. And if our belief is that there is nothing else then the end of the game is an absolute loss.

Imagine (you sporting fans out there) having to root for a team that may have some flashes of brilliance during competition. Maybe they are the best collection of talent in their sport. But what if they were guaranteed to lose every single game? Even though during the game they may show promise, at the end of every game is a big "L". How demoralizing would that be?

I guess that is how I see life with no afterlife. Possibly flashes of happiness and purpose but in the end a guaranteed loss.

Anyone see something I'm missing? 'Cuz that's a team I don't wanna join!

d4l3

Before or After?

2005-02-17T10:17:00.000-05:00

If you had your druthers (pretty sure that's a word) would you rather receive encouragement prior to a time of discouragement or after a time of discouragement?

If you'd have asked me that last week I would have said "Before, definitely." My reasoning - when the time of discouragement came I could ignore it knowing that I'd already been assured that all would be okay. But not this week.

At the beginning of the week someone approached me saying some wonderful things to me that were meant to encourage me. To assure me that the things I'd been doing and the way I'd been living was blessing them and that in it they could see God. And I was very encouraged.

But since then I received some very discouraging words. Not that they were meant to be discouraging but through my filters, at least, they produced that effect. Now I wish that I could hear those encouraging words again. For some reason, their weight has diminished in my mind because of timing (at least I think that's why). And I wish, now, that the encouraging had come after the discouraging words.

It's funny. It happened just the way I would've wanted it before I actually experienced it but now I'm not happy with my wishes granted.

We are funny beings. Facts mean little when emotions are involved. I guess science can reduce that to chemical concoctions and upheavals but I can't seem to muster that much faith. And my emotions color my view of the world even when the world hasn't changed and even when I get what I want.

I dunno....just thinking....and writing. Who knows? Maybe this will help 8)

Inspiration

2005-01-14T09:42:00.000-05:00

I watched the finale to the program "The Rebel Billionaire" last night. For those of you who don't know what that was here's a nutshell.

Sir Richard Branson, the owner and president of Virgin hosted a competition. He took several (14 or so?) people from various walks of life. Over the course of 3 months he asked them to perform tasks and challenges (in typical reality tv format) in order to see who was the most qualified for a job at Virgin. But if you know anything about Richard Branson you would assume correctly that he would stray from the typical ... and he did.

Many of the challenges that were being performed put the 'performers' in the Guinness Book of World Records because many were things that hadn't been done before. I guess you could look at The Rebel Billionaire as "The Apprentice" on steroids.

From the moment I saw it advertised I planned to watch every episode, probably because in Branson I see someone who definitely takes risks. Some would say that he lives his life too close to the edge. But it is hard to argue with the results and the massive international success of his company. On some level you must be left with the conclusion that the risks he takes and his approach to life are what produced the wild success of his ventures.

So my interest was to see what a man who takes risks that led to successes would seek to instill into those he is around especially with an aim to apprenticeship. Well, I wasn't disappointed.

I could have extended conversation blossoming from each of the episodes. Things that I saw that created reactions in me. Some positive and some negative. But I do think that in one of the last episodes Branson summed up for us his philosophy of leadership.

He said, "The single most important quality a leader can possess is the ability to inspire."

And now I've thought about that for days. What does it mean to inspire? The strict definition is to heighten, intensify, or (my personal favorite) to fill with revolutionary ideas.

If this definition is followed it immediately reclassifies many of our "leaders" as managers instead. Why does Branson have a huge collection of people around him that will put so much effort into his aims? He inspires them. Why were the Beatles, arguably, the most influential people in the 60's? They inspired the masses. Why do you remember that teacher that convinced you that you could do more, see more, and be more? They inspired you.

But now when I think of the one who inspires me the most I realize that he fills me with revolutionary ideas. He says I can do all things. That's not what I tell myself. He says that I can move mountains. Me? I'm too weak though. He says, "Through you I will do wonders." Sometimes I wonder if I even believe that. It sounds so fairytale-ish. But the words ring in my head and they won't go away. Can it be true? Deep inside, under the clinging piles of doubt and fear, behind the walls of normalcy so thick with tradition, and above the mundane voices that chant "stay" is a voice that screams YES!

The funny thing is, I'm not even sure that it's my voice. But I do hear it. It sounds so much better than all the others. It inspires me.

At least, that's what I think.

Oh, and thank you Mr. Branson for reminding us.

The end of me

2005-01-12T14:34:00.000-05:00

I was talking with someone today and in our conversation a belief I've held for years was finally crystallized into one phrase. "The end of me"

We were talking about needs I had. I guess some people would call them burdens. Things that other people have struggled under and I do as well. For some they would say that they had a negative impact on my "quality of life".

But in my talking with this friend I realized something. He was wondering why I didn't ask for more help from others, why I didn't go to others before the struggle became too taxing on me. My response to him surprised me, I think, because it is something I have felt for most of my life but always struggled to articulate.

I said, "I've always believed that miracles happen at the end of me."

When I said it I felt like I had finally remembered a name that I should've known but couldn't recall. Like this was a deeply held belief that had been, until then, unstated.

And I do believe that. Help is never really required until it is the only way out. A rescue isn't needed until you are in danger of your life. But in a culture that thrives on the concept of insurance maybe this is considered blasphemy? Should someone ever be asked to give all of themselves before the cavalry arrives?

In Hollywood we definitely don't want insurance. If the heroine was prevented (insured) from ever coming within a hint of danger from the dragon would the movie sell? I can hear it now.

"Oh you have to see this movie! It was so tense! There was a slight, outside chance that this princess might've been in danger! Thank God it never came to that though because the king never let her leave the castle and even then (just to be safe) she was accompanied by an armed guard." There is no such thing as tension when tension is never allowed. A pre-emptive rescue does not make a thrilling movie because in essence the rescue comes too early for it to be really needed.

But in our lives insurance is what we crave. Insurance that everything will work out alright (for us). Insurance that it won't hurt. Insurance that it won't cost us. Insurance that we won't be held responsible. Insurance that nothing bad will happen. Insurance that, in the end, it's not us who pays.

I've never believed that is one of God's policies. I've always believed that God is a God who will allow us to give all to him. Time, money, effort, dreams, and me.

Someone said this to me a few weeks ago in reference to someone else. "I guess they are learning that sometimes sacrifice hurts." When have we come to believe that sacrifice can happen w/o it hurting. How oxymoronic is that? What in the word sacrifice would suggest that there is an escape from hurt?

Do I believe that God comes in on a white horse, like a shining cavalry to save the day? Yes, I fully believe that. Maybe it is in the timing that I differ from some others. I believe He saves the day but when?

At the end of my efforts, at the end of my dreams, at the end of my strength, at the end of my inventiveness, at the end of me.

It is then that I realize a small portion of what it means to "give it all". Does it feel good? Not in the middle but have you ever been saved at the last minute?

Yeah, I guess you could say He's my hero.

Taking One for the Team

2004-12-17T15:47:00.000-05:00

I've just left the house of someone who is terminally ill. He hasn't eaten in 4 days and hasn't had anything to drink in 3. He is, almost literally, skin and bones. The enemy is cancer which started in his throat and wasn't given the proper attention. It has brought this man to the state he is in now.

I met him today for the first time. His brother, whom I've known for quite awhile, asked me to come over in hopes that I could communicate with him some comfort and peace. But that didn't happen.

I am always very sensitive in times like this. I know the desire of the brother was that I communicate some life-giving truth that would be readily accepted. In hopes that comfort and healing would spread to not only the ill but the pained and grieving family as well. But I also know that many times the person who is ill doesn't know me from Adam. Who knows whether they even want me there or care to hear me postulate? And so my dilemma is, I am there at the request of family members but the 'subject' may be opposed to my presence.

That happened to be the case today. I could tell the man I'd just met didn't want to talk. For the sake of honesty I was up front with why I'd come. I asked him if he minded if I prayed for him. He immediately stopped talking. This made the family uncomfortable immediately as if some magic spell had just been interrupted and there was no telling where the magic would take us now.

I don't blame the man. When I am facing my last days I'm not sure I'll be up to creating new acquaintances. I think I will take refuge in the comfort of whichever family members are able to be there. Maybe I would've reacted just like this.

But I couldn't help but think that his brusqueness with me was not directed at me. I hadn't known him long enough to get under his skin but there was something that I represented that he definitely did not like. I wonder now what offenses, hurts, and abuses may be wrapped up in the word 'pastor' for that man. Even worse in the word 'God'. What is in his history that he was responding to? What foolishness or selfishness was wielded on him that would make him repel the mention of God even at the very end?

How many times have I been through this scenario? Meeting someone who won't give me the time of day but not because of something I've done but because of some injury church-given? There's a part of me that welcomes the opportunity to tell them in word and actions that it isn't supposed to be like that. But there is also a part of me that is tired of taking one for the team. Why does damage so often become the church's calling card? I know hundreds of stories and there are hundreds of thousands I don't.

I know I'm not perfect and maybe there is an identical post somewhere bemoaning the damage I've caused but today I'm tired of it. Today I'm sitting here feeling like I have a broken relationship with a man I hardly know who is running out of time and it isn't my fault. Today I'm wondering if there isn't someone out there scattering hurt and offense like Johnny Appleseed thinking he is doing the Lord's work. Today I don't know if there is time to undo it.

d4l3

The Power of Pajamas

2004-12-15T11:46:00.000-05:00

For those of you looking for some insightful, piercing, and enlightening perspectives on life and existence, it would probably be best to head straight to Google and do a search for it because you won't be getting it in this post (perhaps not even on this blog in your opinion!).

Pajamas? you ask. Yep, pajamas.

I just got back from Dallas, Texas. I was incredibly gifted with a trip to Dallas and tickets to last Sunday's Dallas Cowboy's game. (If I've lost you already it would probably be best to just skip this post.) For me it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and one which was incredibly appreciated.

You see, I've been a fan of the Cowboy's since I was eight years old. Let me define fan. In those 29 years I've never 'rooted' for another team. I only root against other teams. Perfect Sunday in the NFL - Dallas--Win, Every other team--Loss. Of course, that never happens but there is always hope. I can tell you every quaterback since Staubach. I know that Renfro's favorite pattern was a deep out on the left side. I know that Randy White doubled in his career as a linebacker and a defensive lineman. Yeah I've followed the Cowboys. And, I root for the Cowboys, meaning the guys wearing the uniform. If you're on the team I love you. When you leave I root against you and the guy wearing your old uniform is my new best friend. Suffice it to say that I enjoyed myself on my trip to Mecca (Texas Stadium).

Oh the pajamas...almost forgot. How did this all start? Pajamas. It was 1975 and the Cowboys were making a run for the Superbowl like they had in 1971. Someone (I don't even remember who) thought it would be nice to get my brother and me some Dallas Cowboys pajamas. We liked them. We wore them. We never forgot them. My brother has the Dallas Cowboys star tatooed on his arm. But though I am not 'branded' the Cowboys do own me.

That is the power of pajamas.

Warning: This story is from personal experience and the results can only be assumed to replicate what they did for me. If you try this with another team's pajamas you may run the serious risk of damaging the child by causing them to root for another team other than the Cowboys. You've been warned.

d4l3

Momentarily

2004-12-08T13:06:00.000-05:00

Piggy-backing on my mention of vision as a necessary skill to see the world around us in the way the God sees it, I've been thinking about moments.

Because that is what we 'see' with the vision I was talking about. My personal view of God is of an incredibly personal and powerful force of action. He is the prime mover. He doesn't adjust, everything adjusts to him. All of this action is accomplished in a context of overriding love and compassion.

When God talks to us about new creation, as hard as it is to believe (as we all look into our personal mirrors) this is what he plans to make us into. An incredibly powerful and love-filled force for good in our world. Incredible huh? Insert faith here.

Back to moments. As I said about vision, the change is progressive and hopefully tomorrow we will be past where we are today. Our vision is only one step of the process. Our vision enables us to see things. What do we see? We see moments. God moments. Moments when there is a window that gives us the opportunity to bring God's light into our surroundings.

The better our vision the more subtle the opportunities we will begin to recognize.

But recognition is the beginning not the end. With each moment comes a choice. Do we or don't we?

Have you ever body-surfed? When the wave approaches the skill you need to learn is to give yourself to the wave's momentum and power at the right time. If you don't the wave swells by and you are simply a wet observer, watching it break on the shore from a distance. The time to choose whether or not to 'take' a wave comes and goes in a moment. Those who are very practiced can harness the power of waves that the unschooled like myself may think are unrideable.

Those who are very skilled (in body surfing and surfing outright) can literally dance on the face of the wave. They create of a momentary opportunity an artform of expression and activity. In my body surfing world, more often than not, the wave posseses me. But in the elites I see them posses the wave.

The question I ask myself is "What am I doing with my moments?" Do they float by underneath me leaving me free of responsibility and duty? Do I pretend I didn't see them? Do I have the vision to see them?

"From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been suffering violence, and the violent have beeen seizing it by force." My opinion - this is not a picture of a wet observer.

I desperately want to be a possesor of moments. Thank God I have a great teacher!

d4l3

Vision

2004-12-02T09:10:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking lately (based on conjecture some but mostly experience) that following God is really a function of vision. It seems to me that when you start following God you begin to see for the first time. But as incredible as that first look (actually blinding at times, in a good way) it is not the end of your "vision" journey.

I have come to believe that "God vision" grows with use. If you use it, it increases and sharpens, but if you don't use it, you will slowly lose it.

I have done some bird-watching in my time and I have seen my vision increase. I am always amazed at what I can see that others cannot. It only takes the slightest motion for me to notice a bird and then to begin focusing in on that Yellow Bellied Sapsucker (and yes, that is a real bird). But when I started birding I had no skills like that whatsoever.

I have noticed this in other things as well. The other night while I was playing soccer someone made an incredible run against me. I think I turned my head for 1.5 seconds and when I looked back he was gone, headed toward the goal with the ball on his foot. My "soccer vision" needs some work but I am pretty sure that as I play the vision will come. How ridiculous to think that by sitting on the sidelines and just hoping for "soccer vision" it will come to me. I am convinced that is in the use of it that it will grow.

"God vision" is the same way. Yes we begin to see when we start to follow but as we begin to use our sight to prevent and alleviate pain in the world around us we will be amazed at how sharp our vision will become. Jesus was the perfect example of this. He saw so much! Why did he always say and do the right thing at the right time? Because his vision was perfect.

Now my vision isn't perfect but it is much sharper than yesterday and tomorrow I fully expect to say the same. As I use it I will see more but if I don't, blindness is right around the corner.

d4l3

Comfortably Numb

2004-11-22T18:34:00.000-05:00

This is a song by Pink Floyd off of the Album "The Wall". I know that this is not a song about anyone's Christian walk but in it I can't help but see the correlation. I have seen these sentiments expressed so many times by people wondering why their walk w/ God is dry and lifeless. As they talk I can almost hear these words coming from their mouths.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can’t explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re sayin’.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

I don't feel like these thoughts are expressed to me but rather, to God. It is deeply saddening.

d4l3

Adventurous

2004-10-29T11:36:00.000-04:00

Been awhile....

My 4 yr old daughter, Audrey (the adventurous one) came to me from the playground crying a few weeks ago. I asker her what was wrong.

She said "I hit my lip."

I asked "How?"

She said "I was going down the slide ......
on my belly....
on top of Gwen (her 7 yr old sister)....
backwards....
and I hit my lip."

I decided that all those things violated her "insurance" policy and I told her that if she played that way she could expect to hurt her lip. (Btw, she was fine and there was no blood.)

This stuck w/ me, not because she was hurt but because of the reckless abandon that she played with.

I wonder. In God's world do we play that way. Caution to the wind. Devil may care. Not thinking of the landing but of the launching. How many opportunities to change our world are never realized because there is the chance that if we live that way we might bloody our lip?

I think it's true that if we play that way, in the end, the bloody lip doesn't matter.

Oh, and by the way, when I told Audrey that I didn't take complaints after play like that, she stopped crying, said "Okay.", and went outside and did it again.

Longfellow

2004-09-23T14:39:00.000-04:00

Someone gave me a book of Longfellow's works last week. I opened the book and my eyes rested on this.

Mezzo Cammin

Half of my life is gone, and I have let
The years slip from me and have not fulfilled
The aspiration of my youth to build some tower of song with lofty parapet,

Not indolence, nor pleasure, nor the fret
Of restless passions that would not be stilled,
But sorrow, and a care that almost killed,
Kept me from what I may accomplish yet;

Though, half-way up the hill, I see the Past
Lying beneath me with its sounds and sights --
A city in the twilight dim and vast,

With smoking roofs, soft bells, and gleaming lights,--
And hear above me on the autumnal blast
The cataract of Death far thundering from the heights.

Combustication

2004-09-16T08:57:00.000-04:00

Just heard this song last night, by Incubus, and though I've heard it hundreds of times I heard it differently last night, especially the part that I've bolded.

-----------------------------------------
Pardon me while I burst.....

A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
At twenty three, on the verge of
spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity
I need you to hear, I need you to see
that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.

So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, Pardon me...I'll never be the same.

Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy
fried up above his knees
I said, "I can relate," cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from
the burdens of the planet earth.
Like gravity hypocrisy and the perils of being in 3-D...
and I'm thinking so much differently.

Pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, Pardon me...I'll never be the same.

Pardon me while I burst into flames.
Pardon me, Pardon me, Pardon me.

So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, Pardon me... I'll never be the same.

-----------------------------------------

So I guess what I'm saying is.....Pardon me!

Revolution

2004-09-13T11:45:00.000-04:00

A revolution is equal parts passion and courage.

For those of you who like formulas.....

Passion - courage = inactivity due to fear

Courage - passion = inactivity due to laziness or lack of motivation

Passion + courage = revolution

What keeps us where we are?

2004-09-09T09:53:00.000-04:00

There is something about the passage of time that makes us comfortable. Even if our situation isn't comfortable we find that we are happier where we are than to move to a place that would be better for us.

I hate moving. I hate the packing, I hate the work, I just don't want to take all my clutter that has become so sedentary and pick it up, organize it, move it, unpack it, and reorganize it. Even if it is a better house or location I find the pull to stay where I am comfortable to be so strong.

How ridiculous! That we would sacrifice a better place, a better existence for the pleasure of inactivity! But we do it all the time. I feel it weighing on me every day. "Stay where you are." it says as it covers my eyes so my view to the better place is obscured.

Slow Motion Explosion

2004-08-26T16:08:00.000-04:00

Was trying to explain to someone the other day what I've felt like lately. All this energy and passion and drive to live as hard as I can for God.

The first example that came to mind was a slow motion explosion. It feels like there is an incredible force in me (like an explosion) but that it isn't over in an instant, it continues. As if the explosion were a state and not just an event.

As I considered that analogy I was trying to explain that this force or impulse drove me past my normal concerns and worries, but didn't necessarily numb me to them. I felt like the analogy of an explosion almost suggested violence and movement against one's will and I wasn't happy with those connotations.

But then it hit me - adrenaline. That is what it is like. Before my soccer game the other night I was kicking the ball around (warming up) with a teammate. I had arrived early and was running around for about 15 mins. I was huffing and puffing. I was surprised because I've run for an hour straight in a game and never felt like I couldn't keep running. I was a bit worried that something was wrong. Thought maybe I had a cold or something coming on and I didn't know how much running I would do that night because I already felt tired out and the game hadn't started.

Well, the game started and that was the last time I thought about being tired or gasping for breath. I ran the entire game (no subs at all) w/o ever thinking about it once. The only difference was the adrenaline. The adrenaline I get during competition doesn't take my physical limitations away but it seems to give me an incredible ability to completely ignore any message my body sends to stop exerting itself.

That is why I think adrenaline is a better analogy for what I've been feeling. It's not that I'm not tired. Or that I'm numb to life's pains. It's better said this way. I feel the same way but now I feel like the game is on and there is no way I can listen to those messages right now. There's just something driving me past where I would be if left to my own motivation.

d4l3

Okay, I'll post!

2004-08-13T10:32:00.000-04:00

I've been delaying posting and while I have I've realized something about myself. I have this compunction not to open my mouth (or my pen or my keyboard) until I feel like I have an idea completely surrounded. That's why there's been a delay because I have a thought that I don't feel like is finished yet but now I've decided I'm just gonna go for it (pretty darn risky, huh?) even though I don't know where it will end up.

Well here's the thought ....

On vacation I started thinking about being lost. {I won't say why 8)} As I began to think about it I began to think about how we use that word but we don't always use it to define the proper situations. Lost means "To wander from or become ignorant of or to lose one's way." Basically, to not know where you are.

The reason I started thinking about this was the situation of the "lostness" we experienced over vacation. We knew exactly where we were. We knew exactly where we were supposed to be. But because we'd taken the wrong way we also knew that we weren't where we were supposed to be. So in one sense we weren't lost at all. We knew exactly where we were. Were we lost or were we wayward?

I think the worst type of "lostness" is when you think you are somewhere that you are not. That always results in complete confusion and helplessness. When I was a kid I had a dream once that I was in my kitchen. When I awoke with it still dark in my room I assumed that I was in the kitchen (gimme a break, I was dreaming!). I got out of bed and went to where the door to the kitchen should've been but it wasn't there. I couldn't find anything that was familiar. I couldn't find the lights because I was looking where they would be in the kitchen. After about 10 mins of confusion and near panic by going around the room bumping into things that shouldn't have been there I finally found a door that shouldn't have been where it was. As I entered the hallway the confusion lifted and I realized that all the time I had been in my room. I was safe at home but utterly lost. I was completely confused and helpless.

In life we sometimes refer to ourselves as lost. I think we use that to make ourselves seem better than what we are. The confusion from my dream left me blameless in my "lostness" because I didn't have any knowledge to navigate in the place I was. I don't think that we are always lost like we say.

When you know where you are and you know where you should be you aren't lost, you are wayward. You are no more lost than a child that skips school and spends the entire day avoiding detection. That child knows where he is and he knows where he should be. He isn't lost he is truant.

Now would I say that we were truant when we were lost on vacation? No because we didn't take the wrong way intentionally. But if, upon discovering where we really were, we still chose to not proceed to where we should be then we would definitely be truant.

As we walk with God and do our best to follow him there will be times when we take the wrong way and it will inevitably lead us to where we shouldn't be. That's lost.

But there will come a time (if we are truly followers of God) that our confusion will be lifted and we will see that we have come to a place that we never should have been. Now we aren't lost anymore because we know where we are and where we should be. If we don't start to move to where we should be, we, at that point, become truant, wayward, and rebellious. We can no longer say we are followers of God because we aren't following him.

I guess what I'm trying to say (remember, I don't feel like this is a completed thought yet) is, let's not use the word "lost" to hide the fact that we are not followers of God. Let's just be honest and say "I'm not where God wants me to be because I don't want to follow him there."

d4l3

Back

2004-08-08T10:12:00.000-04:00

Just back from vacation... took a week to get away but that's why it has been so quiet here. I'll post a few things in the coming days.

d4l3

Responsibilities 3

2004-07-30T11:10:00.000-04:00

Guess I'm still thinking about it 8)

(I'm assuming the other posts on responsibility are under our belt)

So if we find ourselves discouraged by the tough things in our lives or distracted by the enjoyable things in life there is one answer. We have allowed our driving passion for God to either be overwhelmed by either pleasure or pain.

.....either way, we've put another god in charge.

But that's all words....the doing is another thing entirely. Some good questions to ask are these, "Do I love God more than the things in life I enjoy?" and "Do I love God more than I dislike the things that hurt?"

If the answer to both of them is "Yes" than we truly are unconquerable. See this post - Passion

d4l3

Comments ...

2004-07-30T11:05:00.000-04:00

Just realized that comments were restricted to those people who also had blogs registered to Blogspot.com. I've changed that setting to be open to all... so comment away!

l4+3r

d4l3

Responsibility Revisited

2004-07-29T21:15:00.000-04:00

Read what I wrote last night...hope it wasn't confusing....but was thinking more 2day.

The relationship between driving passion (DP) and responsibilities (Rs) can be seen in so many areas of our lives and @ so many levels.

Because of my DP for my family I take on the Rs of my job. The DP for my family transfers to a DP for my job but not for the job's sake, it is still for the families' sake. Because I now have a DP for my job I take on the Rs within my job. The DP for my family transfers to a DP for the Rs within my job but not for those Rs' sake it is for the job's sake but in turn, ultimately, for the families' sake. And so the things my job requires me to do that may be odious to me I have a DP to do, not for their sake, but for my families' sake.

And the same way the things in my job I love to do will never replace the DP I have for my family because the only reason I am in the position to accomplish them is because my passion for my family drove me there.

It is like the layers of an onion....in some way....I guess :)

So...as we follow God what can come between us unless we choose to exchange our DP for him with a DP for something else. Basically, unless we begin to worship something else as God.

And what can drive us from him? Surely not those things we don't enjoy or that cause us pain! Our DP for God makes those things palatable and as James said we are able to rejoice in the hard places of life. Not because they are hard but because our DP for God makes them a desirable thing if they fall within our Rs.

So....the question then is .... What has your DP????? Because that's what you worship.

d4l3

ps - Now u know why I call this Thoughts Crashing :/

Responsibility

2004-07-28T21:38:00.000-04:00

As I was working today I had thoughts about responsibility running around my head. Responsibilities aren't always enjoyed. Sometimes they are but probably an equal time they are not. That got me thinking about whether you are supposed to enjoy your responsibilities. And if you don't are you in the wrong somehow?

I won't bore with the entire thought path it took me to get to my end thoughts and I'll just jump to some of my conclusions.

If I enjoy a responsibility of mine and develop a passion to accomplish it I'm not sure that is a good thing. Say fishing for example. If part of my job is to fish and I grow to absolutely love it, let's say, more than I love my job. In some sense it has replaced my original passion for my job with a passion for fishing. And in some ways my passion for fishing may very well conflict with my passion for my job and my fulfillment of my other responsibilities.

I think a better way is this. To have a passion for your job to such a degree that everything that job entails (whether agreeable to you or not) becomes your passion. But not because of those responsibilities themselves but because you are passionate for your job.

A good example would be a parent working to provide for their children. That may bring responsibilities to the parent they like or dislike but they remain passionate to complete all of them but not because of the responsibilities themselves but because of their passion for their children. In fact, if a parent becomes so passionate for their responsibilities that it replaces their passion for their children aren't they settling for a much lesser life? And short-changing their children (their original passion) in the process?

Well, anyway, that's what I was thinking today. Specifically, my drive to do the things I need to do (whether pleasurable to me or not) should never come from the things (or responsibilities) themselves but from the passion that drives me to them, God's love. And if my drive to do them comes from my love for these responsibilities aren't I serving them instead of God?

And with the things I don't like to do (but yet need to do), if my passion continues to be straight from God's heart what is there that I can't do? Absolutely nothing is impossible! That's why Jesus said "Greater things than I have done you will do." Because he knows that his passion enables us to surrender all to him. All that we like and all that we don't.

That's it...if I've confused instead of clarified just chalk it up to someone with too much time on their mind 8)

d4l3

Inspiring

2004-07-25T13:57:00.000-04:00

« Climbing skyscrapers with bare hands seemed impossible to me, but I have realized that The Impossible remains until you make it possible » --Alain Robert

Alain Robert - Risk

What is the level of your risk?

Into the Wardrobe: a Web site devoted to C. S. Lewis

2004-07-24T16:47:00.000-04:00

Into the Wardrobe: a Web site devoted to C. S. Lewis

Great Website -- Will give you a good overview of Lewis.

Passion Revisited

2004-07-23T17:41:00.000-04:00

Without passion what are you? You become the container that people with passion move through. Almost like plumbing. The copper pipe is part of the equation, I guess, but the water that is flowing through the pipe ... that is the moving agent.

When your life lacks passion you are not a mover, you are an exist-er. You are not an achiever, at best, you are an enabler. You are not the gun but the holster.

I guess a response may be "But aren't the pipe and the holster needed?" But I think that just identifies where the analogy breaks down and our fears succeed in convincing us that to never risk is a good thing. Nobody I know grew up thinking that in their wildest dreams they would be the best water boy a Super Bowl team was ever served by.

We dreamt we were in center stage. We dreamt we were the MVP of the team. We dreamt that our influence would reach far. For the large majority of us, we never dreamed to someday be in the hole we've carved out for ouselves. In fact, if we voiced our current state as our dream to our childhood friends we would've been laughed off the playground. Because they were all going to be something really great. They were going to have a real and lasting impact. They were going to change the world.

Well...looks like the world is safe. :/

....was gonna end there but...

I'm just not happy with that 'cuz it stinks. I refuse to believe that we can't change things. I refuse to believe that we are just ordinary, mundane, run of the mill, tasteless, insipid, boring, status quo, mediocre, average, powerless, 2nd string, medium, safe, half way, stationary, dull non-issues.

I believe we can matter. I believe we can change it all. I believe we can turn the world upside down. Those who oppose should run. Those who oppose and don't run are just dumb. I think we hold in us a power that our bodies should struggle under the weight of. Torrent would be a good word to describe it.

So...I guess I'm just tired of the middle ground huh? Whatever I am I'm guessing it will be fun!

d4l3

Going

2004-07-21T14:43:00.000-04:00

"One of the worst things about going is the leaving behind."

It is almost like the force of gravity, as if it had fingers and hands physically clutching you, begging you to stay.

It is almost a betrayal or denial of the place you've been. I guess those are some drastic words, but if the place you are leaving is not a pleasant place than you are glad for the betrayal and the denial.

d4l3

...and still more.

2004-07-18T23:07:00.000-04:00

...about sacrifice that is.

Kind of amazing that in our cultural christian belief system we take the example of Jesus' sacrifice and call it godly to live exactly the opposite of it.

Let me explain... Jesus poured his life out in obedience to what he knew would be our only salvation. Peter said that he set an example for us to follow. Peter, Paul, and the other apostles understood this and in their lives as in Jesus' the more they obeyed the worse (from the outside it appeared at least) their lives got, until there was literally no more to give.

...but in the church today we believe that the more we obey and sacrifice the more blessing, and health, and wealth we will be showered with. God would never expect us to give it ALL would he?

I guess now I have to choose ... Jesus, Peter, Paul, and the apostles just didn't realize the fulness of all they could've had with God -- or -- we've (the church) been fooled into believing the exact opposite of what Jesus was trying to display to us....kind of a tough question huh?

...not really.

d4l3

Self-Sacrifice???

2004-07-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

When did self-sacrifice come to mean - Giving up the things that you don't want or need.

We have believed a lie. The apostles scream with their lives that
self-sacrifice is to give up those things that you desperately need to
live. To spend yourself like money in God's kingdom until you have
nothing left to spend.

Maybe this is why the church in America is in decline but throughout
the world it is not. Have we sold out some core values that
belong central to the faith? And if we have, what is the state of
our foundation?

Don't know if that is new and revolutionary or old school :)

d4l3

Definitely the Picture of the Day 8)

2004-07-16T23:14:00.000-04:00

What a great picture this is! Sums up so much of what I've felt for awhile! As soon as I saw it I heard it scream at me.

Here is a link to a larger version - click here
Here is a link to Michael Whelan's homepage - click here

Don't be afraid.

2004-07-16T09:38:00.000-04:00

"Don't be afraid,
it just might work."

Heard those lyrics in a song I was listening to today. It really struck me. That is a great attitude. In one sentence it does a good job of encapsulating what it means to be risky, passionate, adventurous, self-sacrificing, and creative.

Circumstances dictate to us so often how we should behave. How about instead we decide to dictate marching orders to our fears and to our circumstances? What if the possibility of failure wasn't able to stop us? What if we refused to listen to what our circumstances were telling us we needed to listen to? What if we decided to listen to something else?

There is a voice that says "All things are possible." How about we listen to that? How about we begin to move because there is a chance that we will do really great things for God instead of sitting because there is a chance we will fail?

I know which of the 2 I wanna be.

d4l3

Clarification/Confusion

2004-07-14T09:17:00.000-04:00

Had a long talk w/ my wife (Jen) last nite. Was trying to express my desire for passion, not only in my life but in the life of people around me. I think I've decided that passion is more attractive than possibly even beliefs. I think this is probably why God says "I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I am going to vomit you out of My mouth." I think, like him, I am beginning to find the lack of passion not simply insipid but repulsive.

At the same time, I want nothing more than the passion in me to spread to those around me. To see a similar fire burning in another only fuels my own. Fire's hunger is unique. As it is fed its hunger grows not diminishes. A vacuum's hunger as it is fed removes the vacuum and its hunger. But a fire as it is fed only increases and desires more. Someone (Nicky Gumbel) used the examples of coals from the fire. As they are isolated one from another they become cold, but put them together and they only increase in heat and intensity.

Sometimes I feel for my wife. She has to listen to so many of my unfinished/incomplete/partial/confusing thoughts. And then again, w/o her I just might explode! ;)

d4l3
(dale)

Beginning after I've started

2004-07-13T22:09:00.000-04:00

Realized I didn't explain anything about myself yet...so to those of you who don't already know me pretty well, here goes.

I spend my days (and evenings) pastoring. I am one of 4 pastors @ a church in RI of about 280 on a weekly basis. I have been married just shy of 17 years now. And that has blessed us w/ 4 children. My children range in age like this - 14, 11, 6, 3

B4 pastoring I was a carpenter for about 14 yrs. (And yes, I did get my hands dirty) Now after 5 years of pastoring I must say that my hands are much softer 8)

The reason for this blog (btw blog means Web Log) is posted below. I am on my way "further up and further in", as some may say.

d4l3

2004-07-13T18:05:00.000-04:00

Here is a pic of the cover of Mere Xianity... Pretty common book....used to buy every one I saw @ yardsales so I could give them away when the urge arose.

Profile Info

2004-07-13T16:40:00.000-04:00

As I created my profile I mentioned two books. It is my belief that in this tandem you will find the most perfect picture of Christianity I have ever seen. Here are the links...

Mere Christianity

An Unstoppable Force

Read
Let simmer for a short while
Do Not Let Cool!
Digest Well

d4l3

--btw ^ that spells dale

...and so it begins...

2004-07-13T16:22:00.000-04:00

Wanted to document some things that are changing...about me, my life, my thoughts. Thought this would be a great place to do it. Writing definitely gives me a sense of expression and completion. It is the 'beginning' to the 'finishing' of a thought. The 'ending' to the 'finishing' of a thought is the doing...or the becoming.

---And that is my goal. To make these crashing thoughts something other than random spikes of adventurous longings. To make the thoughts something other than a desire to feel risk and danger. But to make them part of my character and being. In hopes that in doing so I become more and more like the author ( I believe 8) ) of these thoughts. That @ the end of the day people would say that the two of us are strikingly similar. Who knows? Maybe that will even happen.

...and so it begins

d4l3

---by the way (btw) that's dale 8)